Depression... the Unseen Enemy
Lost and alone
i have written on this subject before but feel compelled to do so again. In the world we live in today, there are so many reasons to feel overwhelmed. To feel the weight of the world sitting on your shoulder is a load that weighs you down and crushes your spirit. Most everyone has a bad day and somewhere in every life there is a moment of sadness and lows. For the greater majority of people, it is a feeling that passes and they simply move on with their life. For some however, it does not pass nor does it last for just a day or two. It is often a lifetime of battles that are never totally finished or won. Like a nightmare you don't want to re-dream, you face each day with a sense of fear that this day will simply start where yesterday left off.
Depression is an illness that often goes unseen by those around us. It is a silent killer that eats away from the inside out It is much more known than it is understood and is totally unprejudiced as to who it infects. To live a life that is dominated by uncertainties and dictates how you will feel from day to day pulls you down in a way that few other things can. People around you tell you to move on or get over it and they say this because they do not understand. Each and every day, life challenges the depressed and leaves them feeling sad or filled with anxiety. The deep crevices that open up to swallow them are under foot all the time.
Is this to say that you never feel good or do not ever have days that you smile? The sad part is that most people do not see your symptoms of depression. You put on your best "smiley face" and walk through your day carrying all of your emotions inside of you. the desire to be alone and be with someone are conflicting and bring on rushes of panic and uncertainty. I speak with complete knowing of exactly how this disorder feels and effects every day. I have lived with depression and bipolar for longer than I care to recall and it has taken me down roads that are not nice places to be. I take each day a minute at a time and smile when I have finished a day.
To wake up each day and try to talk yourself into being focused and productive is a constant battle that rages inside of me. The desire to smile and be happy is shadowed by the feeling disconnection. Tears often flow without reason and the emotional roller-coaster ride leaves you tired and scared.Trying to accomplish something; anything, only to find that the day has ended and you have done nothing only feeds the depression within you.Motivation is a forced effort that all too many times does not come to life until the day is nearly done. For the depressed like me, grabbing a single thought and working through it is nearly impossible.the thoughts whip by at super speeds and leave me spinning.
What truly separates the inflicted from others is the fact that depression doesn't always mean you have nothing to be happy about. It doesn't only attack those that are poor or without. While those not suffering from this disorder are content with whatever they have, the depressed also have enough reason to be happy or content but they are not. I am a man that has been blessed more than any man ever deserved to be blessed in life. I have reason on top of more reason to smile and see the many things I have to be thankful for. At the same time, I chastise myself for various reasons and remain in that dark place. Anyone that suffers from depression understands exactly where I am at more often than I want to be.
Depression should not be a way of life. If it is allowed to be, it will quietly, slowly take from you any happiness you try to find. Medical issues of the physical kind can and often do manifest themselves. Talk with your doctor and at least give yourself a fighting chance.
Depression is a thief and a killer. It steals away your happiness and ability to function on any level. It slowly destroys your reason to participate in every day life. It is one of the unseen killers that silently and secretly hacks away at your very being causing health issues brought on by the feelings of worthlessness and anxieties. On the outside, people may fail to see what you are dealing with on the inside. This is my life and this... is depression.
